America America!

Yeah by this time you would be knowing that i would be somewhere in US updating my blog(yeah here in Downtown MPLS).The following read is a kind of eye-opener for people as instructions not to do and what would happen if you try to do a joshy! So the moment i got my marching orders from my manager ,all the excitement within me died.Oh no..atleast most of the folks around me were more excited and giving me their purchase orders as to what to buy and as well as dire consequences in the eventuality of me not getting it.I don't know why i didn't have the excitement ,probably because i was not having my GF along (incase ur wondering who,this is just to spice up the blog!) , or because i would be missing my planet Kerala more or yeah there is this slight hitch of the temperatures being an average of –20 degree Celsius(coming from India where namma blr is close to +20 degree now).So once i got my visa date interview ,i just moved around as if i had nothing to worry.I got a pretty small flight to Chennai where i was supposed to have my visa interview.And i hate em as you have the feeling that you are riding in a Maruti 800 on Banarghatta road.But once i landed in Chennai i was amazed to see that the metro contruction was going on there too.So more jam to follow .After an hour in the traffic, i reached the hotel.I was made to wait another hour there and i took the liberty of having dinner in the mean time.So soon after i took bath(or did I?) and then snoozed off.I didn't arrange my papers not learn what lies to tell to the consulate officer! But to grace of the Almighty i got up somewhere around midnight and managed to arrange all that in an hour and slept off again.Morning i took a cab which was booked from the hotel itself and damn expensive.I knew why because there were a lot of rather hundreds of mosquitoes in the cab.So i reached the Consulate to see a queue at 7 am in the morning.So when my turn came i got in and came inside what looked like a examination hall.People with their certificates,documents anxious faces and suddenly out of the blue,the security guy asks me “kai ill unnum illalo alle?”.

No wonder where you go there is bound to a Malayali.When i passed the security check in BLR,the guy comes and asks “engotta?”.Then i realised there are many malayali’s hiding behind the skin of various characters unknown to mankind.As i waited my turn with bated breath,finally the officer comes in and starts taking the interviews,mine was 5th i presume and two were rejected already ahead of me.2/4 was not a bad ratio.Though i felt i might go the other half.So when i finally faced him,i mumbled my answers and then suddenly he looked at me!There he was like a school teacher and i felt as if i need i didnt do my homework .So more questions ensured that i was thoroughly meant for B1!And then finally it was all over and i literally ran our of the compound.

”Auto saarrrrrr”,these are the last things you want to hear after your anxious moments.The fun part in Chennai is ,the meter in autos there are kept to let you know that they are also high tech!Else you might fool the auto guy(gracious no..can i do this in this lifetime?).Anyways i managed to reach the hotel back using broken Tamil.So when i was to return from Chennai,i took the liberty of having lunch late and a small nap.All because the cabbie told me i would reach the airoport safely in 30 min.And so it turned ,that the traffic was even more pathetic than the previous day and it took the driver lots of skills and my praying skills to reach there just a few minutes before the last check-in call(and thanks to a few guys who let me ahead of them at check-in).And again as i lazed my life,and the date to travel finally came, i was still in my slumber until 24 hours before i realized i didn't have anything packed to face the brute winter there,absolutely nothing.So i took the previous afternoon half off,after i filled my tax,my timesheets ,sending mails ,taking printouts and lots more.As my flight was early morning at 7am next day, i thought i would sleep early.I came in home at 5.00pm and then went to big bazaar ,got my stuff  in a few hours and then came running back only to realise i had forgotten a few more!So after all this mess,i knew i was running on empty cylinders and took a break at the local Sagar nearby at 10.00pm.Finally when i started packing the bags it was already 11.00 and when i finished it was 2.00am in the morning and the cabbie would come to pick me up at around 3.45.So even as i slept the cab guy called me enquire about my point,and i lost couple of more minutes of sleep.So finally i got 45 minutes of sleep .And then i woke myself up and dumped myself and my luggage into the cab.When i finally reached the airport it was around 4.00 and i took 10 minutes to just get out of the car! Man i was already running out of sleep and after the immigration and the security check-in i dozed off till my flight came in.So finally when i caught my BA flight,i caught up on all the lost sleep,and even managed to watch a few films in between.

Finally i escaped India only to watch myself flying over Pakistan and Afghanistan !More sleep lost.But at least i was served hot breakfast on BA which was really refreshing.Finally before landing in Hearthrow,i lost another half an hour because of hectic schedules.As we finally hit terminal 5 ,it was good to feel the air outside.But the turbulence was really bad as you can judge from the pic above.And I had as my mate Amit,who was also travelling to MPLS.Since he was newly wed,he had this responsibility of calling his wifey and keeping her in sync.So we went in search of the Phone booth,and found that we need pounds in coins to call it.And my roaming Vodaphone was not working nor was there any free WIFI available.Finally he got into a internet booth and mailed her!I tried the Skype and for some reason it didn't work either.

So we took the connecting flight to Chicago and dully filled in our I-94 forms and i caught up on more sleep and wine!Finally i got to see snow in Chicago.The entire city was bubbling with energy from above.The immigration check was quick and the officer let me in without much ado and we caught our flight to the MPLS waiting for more than couple of hours and after moving around a few gates.But this time Amit managed to call his wifey after I begged for some quarters from some Mexican maids!I first went to a store where i bought gums, so that we can get change,but then she returned only 3 quarters and she would give us more change!We didn't want to argue and so i had to beg from those amazing ladies who were gracious enough to lend us a few quarters.Gracias Ladies!Anyways we got into the flight and within and hour reached Minneapolis and it was lovely to see the entire city in covered with snow.We took some time to get to the taxi as there was none to guide us at midnight.But soon enough we landed in front our hotel which cost us something like 40 bucks.But to talk to the African-American driver was a nightmare as he couldn't understand my British English! So i left my British English to the queen and starting to rap to make him understand.Finally he gave me the receipt and i gave him his tip and hit the bed as soon as possible.But not before i updated myself on the FB.I cant stop it can I?

Midnight Flight

 

Deepawali holiday trip to native proved pretty costly for me this time around ,as the return e-ticket turned elusive.There are probably more than a few crore people in Kerala and half of them you would find them on the Island express.And with people joining in from Covai,(as the train takes a detour via TN)the melee is seen to be believed(for all the doubting thomaskutties who think i am exaggerating).I was among  the lucky few who was dumb enough to think that my waiting listed e-ticket ,would finally convert ,and found myself rushing to buy a second class ticket.This second class ticket is genuinely third class.It would be a serious challenge to anyone with a meager sense or rather common sense to even fathom or have the audacity to enter it.One day we might have the Survivor series depicted on it.

Let me describe the coach,for people who are new to the world of railwaynomics! Like Laloo,the coach is also inhabited by his countrymen(literally country),who feel demeaning to enter this coach and be respectful to his/her brethren.The moment you step(or onto someone!) into the coach,the steps and the sideways of the entrance are occupied by people who are drunk enough,who senses are numb enough to enjoy the travel(i wish i were drunk too)!From here the push/pull mechanism starts,ie people who would want to get out vs people who would want to get it,neither would give the other an inch.So in the eventuality of you having to get down in between,you would have to start pushing yourself a couple of stations before.Even if you manage to get inside this famed coach,treat yourself to the Baskin Robbins, if you manage to get home in one piece.I think the stores in India can learn a lesson or two  in Planograms ,such is the way each square inch is utilised here.But like my earlier posts on rail travel,there is a sense of companionship here in this coach as each one has his story to tell and most often than not,all of these would be waiting list passengers.

So here i was onto this train again on a Diwali,with a second class ticket.In this myriad country,there a reservation seat for everyone, including the politician to the beggar.You could see everyone arguing and fighting for his qouta,from the local MLA  to the ex-armyman to the handicapped(i would soon fit here).As i tried bribing my way to a seat,i found to my dismay that none of the usual Ticket Checkers have come.This added to woes, as fate was slowly pushing me to the 2nd Class.Then i tried my luck in sleeper tiers and found even RAC’s were not getting cleared.As night closed in, i decided i would stay put in a sleeper this time instead of 2nd class(which is all the same).Stay put means, you would get to sit down near the loo(railway loos have eulogies written for em,and half of the male fantasies on their walls,authors would have posted their tele nos too!).I met a guy from Thrissur,who happened to work in BLR,as an accountant and he too was in the same basket of fate.As we contemplated on the next events in the eventually of a “Get Out” from the TT,a few more unreserved people from other coaches landed in.We knew we would all land in trouble sooner or later.As we had our had our dinner ,we decided to stay put,and as Gandhiji had shown in S.A to demand our rights(did he say ticketless??).Now to do this, would be to question the jurisdiction of the TT,who is as ignorant your pleas, as a teacher loving to hear your wails when he tweaks your ears.Finally we decided,that if we had to get down(or rather shoved out),we would drag on ,till Erode or Salem from where the journey to blr would be another 4-5 hours.But to our amazement the TT didn’t enter the coach, till the train chugged into Covai.Till that moment the compartment which was kind of peaceful,turned houseful.An entire set of family folks from thatha,aunty,father,mother,sister,cousin,baby,anna,akka,grandmother,grandfather and a lots more hopped in.Again we got pushed back.But here fate played a different card.One of the chaps,forgot to get his wife(i think it was on purpose) or rather his wife gave him a miss and her ticket was free!So voila,we made some dealings/auditions with the guy to play the role of his wife, to get her ticket.The deal was finalised,but the TT who got in from Covai,was so strict ,that we couldn’t even manage to get our asses in the compartment.

There would only be two options now,now to stay put or to hop out!We decided to go for the latter.So there after enduring the toilette fragrance for some lingering moments,we disembarked on our next plan at Erode at around 1.30am.I and my friend got down and caught the nearest available bus to Erode bus station.There we caught on a bus that was bound for Salem.The bus pulled on pretty slow and shook terribly and in between an old chap landed near the door! Amidst all this, i managed to catch some sleep for 1 hour as the bus took another extra one hour to reach Salem at 3.30 am.There we got down and made ourselves sure that we would get into some superr fast or express.So much to our confusion every other bus was a superfast or deluxe bus.Also we had to get into a queue ,at one end of the bus station to get into a bus.People were queued up and busses were being filled!As we hopped into another Deluxe bus,I managed to get some window seats .But sadly it was very near the door(now i know why they were empty!).As the bus slowly moved on,we asked the conductor to close the window above the door.I still remember the shock,that even as he pulled the entire frame came down,leaving the window half open,and us to the mercy of furious cold winds.I had by mistake taken my tested jacket along in the bag!I pulled it upto my ears and whipped out my bedsheet and wrapped myself like a newborn baby with just the eyes and the nose visible.

The bus pulled on and we tired souls dozed off more of fatigue than the comfort of our seats.I realised it was Krishnagiri ,only when i woke up at around 6 in the morning .Shit, i realised we were running late on a busy Monday morning,but had no options.In between it drizzled and thankfully the shutters on the windows worked for a change.As the morning winds blasted on us,I realised i was still in my mummy version.People who got in ,smiled at me as if i were Vadivelu’s cousin and sure i didn’t disappoint them!For all i cared was another couple of hours of sleep and my bengaluru to welcome me back.As the landscape slowly changed and tress gave way to concrete structures and IT parks ,Electronic City came up and as usual was buzzling in the morning traffic frenzy.It was at this point that i realised that my phone was switched off and i was more like a crusoe for the rest of the world.I landed at Madivala an hour later at 8.30 am,and bade farewell to my buddy and finally landed on two feet at Madivala market.Even as my world came back to me ,auto drivers started coming to me,”Auto saar,bari 120 rupees”……..

“Train No-6525 Bangalore Kanyakumari Express will be arriving shortly on platform no 2….”

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As i write with my ass half numb,thumb toe bruised and back aching like hell.. i recall some of the interesting events that happened post this announcement.As usual the Changanacherry Railway station is full as expected ,since its Easter(and Record Liquor sales too!) revelry was getting over.I lazed my way to the ticket counter and got myself a 2nd class ticket.I had no reservation,finally after hours of futile efforts.Ok so be it,I think there would have been others also who would share my grief,as there are many who suffer because of the lack of a double track from Ernakulam to Kayamkulam.The bus vendors were making a killing this summer and they wanted it that way(no double track) as it would kill their business.Also because of the weirdness of Indian Politics,no Railway Ministry in his right mind would focus on any other state other than his!(we losers are yet to have our Rail Mantri).So even as i contemplated my entry into the pre-historic(i will tell you why)general class,i saw my friend,Lijo standing there and chatting away i with another pal,Anish.So here we are discussing everything and anything under guys world-which hardly goes beyond gals,liquor and code,and our wait for “The Train” starts.So what if the train pulls in and hour late,we still have a train,thanks Mam B,i mean Mamata Banerjee!

As we devoured topics from the friends to foe to marriages to liquor(ok it always comes back here…),an old lady tried to sell her merchandise of unniappam,to us three with her histrionics.I had already given the lady 10 bucks as she was in need of money more than anything else,but Lijo still went ahead and bought a packet.As crowds started getting frustrated,we waited with sweats pouring down our backs and water down our throats.The train pulls in a full hour later and as i rummaged through the coaches to check with any familiar Ticket Checker so that i can buy myself a ticket.But to my bad luck,it was very much crowded and the only TTR that i could see was busy shouting at a guy for entering a reserved compartment.So finally i enter the much fancied General coach.Wait a minute,did i say enter….i am sorry,try to enter was what i meant.There are people sitting on the steps,bathroom,upper lower berths and twice that number of people standing and twice that number of luggage,in fact there were more luggage that people!So as my mind started analyzing and my right foot(its auspicious) searching for a foothold,i knew this would be a tough ride ahead.But i just managed to get in the “Wave”.This is a phenomenon that occurs when you stand in the path of a motley crowd trying to find its way in/out.In this case i found myself 10 cm inside and it required a Wave to achieve it,so you can guess the number of people inside the general compartment.There were nearly 130 people in that compartment.(note how i purposefully missed that exclamation mark there).Well this is the common scene in a average popular train in India.This compartment used to be for the middle class,often called the 2nd class,but now that the social fabric has changed and Indian middle class no longer remain so(they travel in AC coaches),the unreserved and the poor go through this suffering coach.As I just stood inside on one foot,a guy got a call on his cell asking if “he got a seat”.Well he replied yes,in fact he replied he was in air! People stood there immobile for hours and twitching only to get a breath of some fresh sweaty air.Hmm..well it was not as bad as it sounds.Its just that you will have some gals shawl.hair on your face and at the same time someone poking your nose and some *** stamping his authority on your foot,while someone is pricking your ass and yeah you have a heady mix of sweat ,fart and burps thrown in as freebies.At this moment some guy started playing “Saari umr hum ,mar mar ke jee liye,ek pal to ab hame je lene do”.Happy hour folks!But i saw your adjust karo attitude of the Indian public even in this misery.A gentleman with this hands both busy was fast losing his grip on his mundu,so he coolly asks the guy beside him to tie it for him.Team work,bravo lots to learn here.

Then as i managed to get a breather and managed to get in from the Nataraja posture that i was in for the past half an hour,the train pulled to Kottayam.Well to add to the 130 inside there were 50 waiting to join inside.Well whoever said the phrase the more the merrier would never have ventured out here!So as a few people hopped out,i grabbed the chance,and pushed myself ahead and eyed for any remote chances of a seat.Its then that i saw a guy just like myself sitting on the side seat all by himself!How dare he??having greeted him with ”swalpa adjust”,which is the equivalent of hello in this context,i managed cover half my ass.Well rest as they say is history.The guy next to me left at EKM,leaving me extra space!From there on the crowd grew and only after Palakkad did we manage to get some stale air again.As i pondered on my dinner ,i saw that people here had the distinct advantage that no TTR would ever venture here!But one thing amidst all this mayhem was that people connected pretty soon.And shared stuff and displayed some rare bonhomie to strangers.People became friends just with a smile,a snack,a tea or gossip.Even as the compartment became louder and louder with lots of young aspiring nursing gals and guys trying to impress,i started my own chat show with guys sharing our seats.Later we even shared food,now that’s a first!But such was the power of this new found togetherness that people just laughed away the current situation.Well people just cracked jokes and discussed current affairs as if they knew each other since childhood.I had now been seated for long ,and i sympathized with some of the guys who were trying to catch a quick nap while standing.So we came up with the idea of sharing our seats on a rotation basis ,so that each one can get some rest.So while this was an option of the few,the others soon took out their newspapers and settled on the floor.Some guys rearranged the luggage thrown on Upper berths and sat there!While some others shyly went on noting things that were going on ,as their pride was at stake!hmm..come the twelfth hour and all pride vanished to thin air.People were drowsy and they had to sit,so people had to adjust and sit while some like us took to the rotation policy game!There was this one girl who wanted none of this and tried to put up a fight with Goddess “Nidradevi”.Well after an hour she was noted sleeping on a guys lap,just as if they were a couple!Hah..the wonders of sleep!

Well people understood one another better in this adversity,and adjusted very well.I don't know where this famous Mallu spirit goes off once ,we walk out?After reaching Covai in TN,people locked themselves in the compartment as there was no more space for people to enter. We bought ourselves tea at 2.00 am and began to contemplate on sleep.But this was not to be,i didn't get sleep and started a standup meeting a guy impromptu and allowed another mate to sit in my place and sleep. As the train pulled itself into Bangarpet in early morn at 4.30,i got my seat back and then dozed away to glory!All along people pulled chains and the train got halted at a couple of places.Ohh the Indian railway,as i woke myself up to the stink of the garbage on the tracks and the sight of people relieving themselves(that reminded me that Visu is near…hmm Visu kani..),i thought this might well be my railway morning ragaa!

Tujhe Dekha To Ye Jana Sanam

           I must start saying that people who want to leave via the Volvo from Manyata should avoid the 6.30 to 7.30 period as no busses come that way.Having said that the following story is nowhere related to the above statement. As Nish and myself hopped on the Volvo bus after an hour long wait on the outer ring road just outside the Manyata Tech Park,we realized that we had some pretty faces for company.Since one of them were already occupied with her boyfriend we were pretty much involved with the second!We had hardly paid for our tickets, when we noticed the female sitting ahead of us,and she was pretty(am i overusing this word..ok she was not that great!..case of sour grapes..you will soon know why).We were discussing some office stuff as usual when Nish noticed that she was smiling @us.Boy did we get excited!Ok then he turned to me and said “I think she is smiling @you”.I said “No ways”,i know what i am good at and looking good is definitely not an attribute you can ass sociate(the space is left intentional) with me.And by the way this is why you should always do your SWOT analysis.Its come in handy in these situations.But then Nish got anxious.Was she looking at him?!Ohh please no way.Even as we were discussing the pros and cons of who should be the rightful heir to her smile,the couple in front of us left us.

            There are several ways to come around this strange issue,but definitely reading my previous blog will not help you.But she one thing became clear to us all,she was smiling @us.Now we started validating our looks and hair.Man even the street dog has a better fur on it tail that the locks of hair on my head! Then we started checking the zippers(you know where) and shoes.They were all right,but still she smiled on to embarrass us more.All this while we were aware that atleast rest of the bus were also giving here her due attention .Now that we were confident that the girl was fully impressed with us ,in comes the stop at belandur and Miss X walks out.Behind her comes this guy and they together walk out smiling.That guy was seated right behind me!!I think i need not explain more as to why the girl was smiling and to whom.But we were not ashamed not because we are thick skinned,but …………….we went on the next topic was the guy his brother or BF?..well that makes for another blog!!